I was just now listening to this song. And I dunno…
What I am about to blog about now, totally unplanned. I was going to blah blah about the time I spent with a friend on Friday. About how it felt so good to be with a person who knew me, and whom I knew. The apparent uglies… we know all of that about us. Yet, weirdly, it does nothing but further solidify our alliance. It becomes easier and easier to be with such people. You don’t have to hide your squiggly under-arm flesh or pig snorts as you laugh, with them. Oh no. They know it all, it makes for good comic relief, and nothing matters in the end. It was just such a good time anyway, and something has to be said for friendships like that. Something. Where the good times are welcomed and the adversities though quite scary, do nothing but cement your bond further.
But on to the matter of music. You see, music is such an amazing thing. All I have to do is listen . For the briefest moment. And my thoughts, they take on a direction of their own. They leave me in the dust, and become living things. I can do nothing but watch them, get pulled by the force of their existence, breathe in, and breathe out. The audacity of them, eh?
Listening to the song above, all I could think about was sunshine and sea-gulls. You know, happiness. I was chatting with a friend over the weekend and by and by, we came to the realization, that for most people, the holidays are scary. Scary because, it highlights the things that we think we do not have. When you look around you and see the lives of everyone and they seem super happy(and do we not realize that happiness is sooo subjective?), you cannot help but compare their lives to yours. And the downward spiral, if care is not taken, can just start from there and never stop.
And can we just please listen to this one?
But let me tell you. This holiday, I just want calm. This roller-coaster ride that is my life, this holiday, I just want to take a break. I want to eat simple food in bed, stain my bed cover and make a fuss about it. Drink tons of wine and coffee and tea and cranberry juice and Baileys Irish Cream. Read all those new books I have. Melt chocolates in a pan and attempt to sicken myself by licking away at the endless goo. Listen to music(old and new). Gossip on the phone. Wear my long brown fuzzy socks. Tie my hair up in a huge fecking knot, fry shrimp in the kitchen, and recite Bukowski at the same time. I do not want the usual chatter. I just want silence. I want to listen and hear my own heart beat. I want to drop a piece of cutlery and smile at the reverberating sound that must surely come back at me. I want to wake up at night and smile at the silence. I just want a simple quiet one, this holiday. For me… my soul, my mind, my body… for us, because we need it.
I do not know what we wish ourselves this holiday. But allow me to wish you, what deep down I wish myself.
A heart overflowing with all the good feelings that exist.
A holiday, customized to fit your individuality. A holiday, that you need. A holiday, that would pale in comparison with the rest. A simple one, with none of the exhausting excesses.
A good one.
From my heart, I wish you all.
And listen to this one too… because I am listening to it… and I do not know why the heck why.