I was blindly watching re-runs of Being Mary Jane (you know, something to do until morning comes because I couldn’t sleep and I needed to flourish) and I chanced upon the part where she was being congratulated by the head of her network for getting them noticed but that though they do not want her to change, since her creativity makes her who she is, they needed her to tone down on some of her core values, which were the same things that got them noticed in the first place!
It got me thinking about my own life and it’s the same damn story. People asking you to tone down on the same things that are your bling. I mean, they love your bling but the mechanics they do not understand so they ask you to “tone” down. Why, just a couple weeks back, I had a manager at work tell me that I am too emotional and that I needed to play the corporate game and that everyone will always have their favourites and about how we all just need to go with the flow.
The whole world has been going with the flow and where the heck has it got us? Are we happier people? Are the poor getting richer? Can someone please tell me one good thing that ever came from “going with the flow”? Fecking cows to the slaughter. She sounded a lot like the women who get raped and think it’s their fault. I felt so sorry for her… living her life just accepting things as they are instead of trying to change them.
But about me being emotional.
Ahhh, how do I explain?
See, I have always wondered what the most beautiful part of being human is.
Is it the way we eat?
Our speech patterns?
The difference in the stink of our farts?
I remember watching the “Adaline” movie. I was moved by all the emotions I saw being played out. From when she sat watching the old films, to the birth of her daughter, to her accident and the strike of lightening, to Ellis’s face when she made it okay in the end… beautiful. Or even the movie “The Good Lie”. The emotions brought the story line to life. I didn’t need rocket science to figure out that our emotions are what make us human and therefore our defining factor. Our beauty.
When I’m talking with my colleagues, I watch them closely. A look of surprise, a burst of anger, bubbles of laughter… each person’s response is always so unique. So interesting. So beautiful. Like sequins on a dress, whatever direction we turn, we always catch the light. We cannot escape it.
I am thinking of my life past and I wish I had collected all the emotions displayed, in a jar. Every smile, every tear, every effervescent moment. And if I collect tears in a jar, I’d maybe open it at night, dip a finger and taste the saltiness, then I would close my eyes and feel what the person felt.
The closest I have come to “collecting emotions” is drawing. Every laugh line, crease on the forehead, every eye pop, I commit them to memory and I draw them. It’s like sitting out at night and admiring the constellation… beauty everywhere!
It is very important that we allow ourselves to feel. It is how we were made. It is how we function and it is what makes us different from earthworms.
Beauty not celebrated often enough.
Be brave and be a moon-child.
Aye, be brave.