I have been away for so long.
Yet, no matter how long I am away from WordPress, when I return, I am enveloped in the warmth again. Like the voluptuous tree woman in Robin Hobb’s book (The Shaman’s Crossing)…
Folds of love, of goodness, of goodwill… I am wrapped in them. I am pulled in, sucked under… and I ask myself why I stayed away so long in the first place.
I am home.
Yes, this place is home.
Talking about homes.
The first thing that comes to mind when I think about home, is family.
And what is family?
Is it those related to you by blood? Or is it those you come across who are not related by blood but by loyalty and experiences?
Lemme tell you what happened to me recently.
I had written a post on Facebook on how I thought my dancing skills were now improving.
Some cousin of mine comments and says a lot of horrible stuff about how I had a bad body (and bad body to him implies slim). That how could I think I look good the way I am? That with a body like mine, no one needs men.
No prior quarrels. No beef. Nothing.
People just wake up and decide to be monsters.
See how fickle humanity is? See?
Anyway, this is the body in question.
All my life, I have been surrounded by sorry excuses of people who are related to me by blood… the damned goo.
Friggin’ proverbial bloody Marys… the lot of them.
Even as a child. And let’s even say I was the baddest of the lot, what really does a child know of the world to be treated so badly?
Not enough, I tell you.
The spirit killers.
The ones that made up stuff about me and went with the wind.
The ones that hated me just because it was safe for them to.
The ones that did all they could to sabotage the force, the hurricane, that I am.
For some of my life, I have had to tolerate and endure them. But not anymore.
Years ago, I zoned out on all that rubbish.
Now, I simply do not care.
I couldn’t muster up some enthusiasm to care, even if my life depended on it.
It’s dead, gone, buried. I do not hate them, au contraire, I quite like some of them.
But to care, to give a damn, to bleed for them…. NO.
I am numb.
My soul draws the line there.
In my world, there is just me and the few people I call family.
Most of them not related to me by blood.
I could’ve replied to that cousin: who needs pregnant women around with a gut like yours, who need brains with zombies like you walking around, who wants to use GUCCI when you go around pronouncing it as GUSHHII.
I could’ve told him a lot, words as weapons and all.
But I did not think he was worth my creative juices being cranked.
So I ignored him.
Now soon, some of them will be coming back…
Claiming to be sorry, demanding my attention, screaming that they are family.
But here… now… I am writing for the whole world to see.
I will not let myself be blackmailed emotionally.
If you try to hurt what matters to me now, try to make up some more stories… I will go gangster on you. I will unleash a tide so high that you would drown, fury so hot that it will burn even your soul. I am not about all that rubbish of the past. I am a dragon, and yes, the fire that I spit, you do NOT want to feel.
I am the Amazon of the new era.
But most of all,
I WILL NOT BE HARASSED BY BLOOD.
However thick it may be, gimme water instead.