How do you know you are in love?
Please… enlighten me.
How do you just wake up one day and conclude that your soul is irrevocably, undeniably tied to another? Is there even anything like that, a joining of souls, I mean?
What proof do you have?
How does it happen? What precipitates it?
I listen to the regular love lingua around me… I try to digest the words… but really, nothing makes sense. Not in the way it is presented.
You know, for a word that we claim to know so much about, our application of its principles is quite… disheartening.
-Butterflies in the tummy does not signify love. I get that same feeling too in my stomach when I see a flying roach. And I do not mean that in a ‘love’ way.
-Heart beating fast is not love either. It is a by-product of love, not the entire definition of it. My heart beats fast when I am running up the stairs… I often imagine what it will be like if I fall down and break all my teeth. And that my friends, makes for a lil heart beating episode.
You cannot tally love with biochemical reactions.
Matter of fact, you cannot tally love with physical things.
It will fail.
Well let me not say YOU… it’s me. You can tally, me, I cannot.
I have this really warped definition of love.
Real love… pure undiluted love… the kind that I picture in my mind… the kind that I am irrevocably wired to only be able to give… it goes way beyond what I see. I cannot help it.
Looks, popularity, money… everything fades to the background. I try to see them, but I can’t. It is not about me anymore but about the fat lady in my mind and the essence of the person in question. It is like my extra senses come alive and the regular human senses fail me. Believe me, I hate it. But I cannot change any of it.
The person could have AIDS, be a leper, be blind, be dying of cancer… it would not matter to me.
Because what is love for me has nothing to do with the eyes, or legs or physical health situation in the first place.
And nobody wants to thug it the real way.
And they cannot be blamed.
That kinda love, my kind, it will drain you. It will leave you gasping for air. It will take your heart and juice it to the very last drop. Scary… yes… but also sublime.
And why am I rambling about love?
Because I am noticing something that scares the shit out of me.
And I do not know what to do.
Like the case of a superhero… having so much power, so much strength… but being handicapped. And all of that power, all of that strength, they die inside of the superhero. And of course, taking the person along with it.