I do not have much to say/write about today.
Except one thing.
One theme keeps re-occuring in my mind.
What the heart wants….
That saying about the heart wanting what it wants and always wanting what it should not want. I have thought about it a lot lately.
And if my heart wants something… who am I to tell it whether it should want it or not?
I mean, who died and and made me God?
And if it haunts me, consumes me… How can I deny it?
At one point in my life, I really wanted to learn how to make my own pizza. I love to eat pizza and always going out every single time I had a craving for it(which was often, by the way) was just inconveniencing. I mean, pizza places were pretty far from where I lived.
Logic and common sense told me to just forget it… who needs the extra calories that being able to just up and make it on my own anytime I wanted, would automatically give me. The pizza places being far were actually sort of a plus… saving my money, keeping my tummy flat.
But no… craved it I did.
My heart… she gave me no rest
Finally, one day, I could not take it anymore. I finally learned it, made my first pepperoni pizza, loved it, aaaand it has been good going ever since.
Calories? I am yet to gain them. And even if I did gain them, I am way too in love with making my own pizza and enjoying it with wine that I would not notice… or even care.
My poor heart… bless her… she wanted it… and I gave it to her.
The heart will want what she wants, yes, but what I have come to realize, pizza illustration aside, is that the heart wants what she secretly needs. She throbs with it, she does not know how to categorize it so the human brain categorizes it as wants. Ahh but when she finally gets it, the want that is, it dawns on her whole existence how badly she actually needed it. Like fresh water to a person dying of thirst… she is sated. And all is right again.
All I am saying…
Do not be quick to say your heart is wanting what it should not want.
All the self-denial… we work so hard to conquer who we really are on the inside… we squelch our identities… and then we say we are wanting what we should not have.
We do not realize that our hearts, they are in tune to that which we truly are on the inside. She, the heart I mean, she wants and wants, yes, but only because you need it. Squelch all you want, deny all you can… a day will come when you won’t be able to hold back any longer. And yes, finally, she will have her way.
And you, yes, you… depending on who you truly are on the inside, your need, it will make you… or break you.
And there is something that I actually want(or need) so badly now. I think about it at night. It makes my blood warm. Society will frown at it… they will talk behind my back… but I won’t be denied… I want it… I need it.
Whether I will eventually get it, I do not know.
It all depends on if it is brave enough to come to me.
Thank you… for absorbing this.
So strongly did I feel about this that I did not even edit this post… from my heart, to my fingers, to WordPress. Typing as it came.
Again, thanks… for reading.
Next week it is!!!