But before I go into that, I’d like to explain what Obi Anuri means. It connotes happiness in the Igbo language, one of the main languages spoken in Nigeria. Besides English, of course. My mother tongue ish, if you like. In any case, below is me in some Igbo things and a singular Igbo meal. Not much, just for you to get a feel of the Igbo ish, culture and all.
And me at a wedding with a funkily tied wrapper and a traditional blouse. The picture isn’t so clear because it was taken mid bride’s maid duty and I was already sweaty from all the walking around. The wrapper is called “George” and the one I’m tying is a plain version of it. There is a matching cobalt blue headgear as in the one above but it was tied too tightly and I was getting a headache so I removed it. Phew!
Okay… back to Obi Anuri.
And a little background info about me is in order here: So… I am rarely wrong about stuff. I do not mean this in a narcissistic and arrogant way. I’m just calling it like it is. From the time I was little more than a baby, I always just knew stuff. I didn’t have to read it up or ask anyone, I just knew. It unnerved people around me then, the stuff that I knew, but I couldn’t help it. When I was in the university, I didn’t study for most of my exams. My mind was on a lot of other stuff. Very challenging period for me. How could I even sit still with all that worry and study? Yet, I didn’t do badly at all. I would answer questions during lectures, correctly and with insight, as though I had been awake all night researching. Lol. It was actually quite funny. Me, the apparently unserious one. If only they knew. If I had been unencumbered and had been free(in that way only I can understand) to study like the others, as in proper real-time studying, studying like my life depended on it type ish(although sitting very still for long is painful for me), I think that I would’ve probably broken some major records. But that’s past tense now.
So I tell people that some of the stuff I know is stuff I got off google. I tell them that, to direct scrutiny away from me. It’s either that or settle for looking like some sort of arrogant know-it-all until the day I die. Now, I do not particularly care what anyone thinks of me… I just do not want to alienate anyone. Especially those I want around me. If it seems like I mostly always know stuff(and what of the times when I don’t know?), I mean, no one is gonna wanna share new things with me, much less be around me. How then will I learn new stuff? And human beings, we mostly cannot stand the shine of others, especially when we think their light makes us look dim. We forget that light can be reflected… and that we can either be the surface it falls on and is reflected from, also partaking of the shine, or we can just be dim. Ahhh… the stuff life has taught me.
So, it is as though instead of blood flowing through my veins, answers are there. Flowing in me. Powering me. I can’t help it… I just know. Not by my doing, oh, never. I have God to thank instead. He already knew how difficult my life was going to be at some point, so He created me that way, equipped me so that though it seemed like I lacked in a particular thing, I was still very golden. He compensated me, arranged for me to be buffered ahead of time so that when the ground beneath me finally caved(or something like it), I was still afloat. Phew! Such foresight and profound love. Thinking of my future even before I was born. Everyday I am thankful to Him for that. Everyday.
So imagine then, with all that history of being sure and all, how shocked I was to realize that I wasn’t in love as I had thought. I was so sure… yet… I was sooo wrong. It took me actually really being in love, finally really loving someone(other than family and friends), to realize that I had lied to my ex and one other, when I had told them that I loved them. I misled them… horribly so… and for that, I apologize.
Now, when I met him, the man whom I truly loved, I knew something was gonna happen. I think we both knew. I finally understood what it meant to be in sync with a person. It felt like I had been on my feet all my life and could finally sit down. It was beautiful.
But it ended.
No heart breaks or funky drama ish… and there wasn’t a big row. Just special circumstances and it ended.
Now, is it just me, or does anyone else notice that most people never end up with those they truly love, those they ought to be with? I see it everywhere around me. So many sad people… so many regrets. So heartbreaking. Looking at them, the mismatched population, I become scared. We are too hasty… Or too slow… and we mix love and logic and marriage and we forget somehow that there is nothing logical about love. Mostly nothing. And so we loaf about, thirsty, having drinks in our hands, but not being able to drink or not being satisfied, because it is not what we want to drink. What we want is water. The ultimate thirst quencher. But we don’t have it. Oh my.
This man… the one I truly loved… there was nothing logical about us. I mean, the circumstances surrounding us were so twisted. Yet, the thing binding us, it thrived. He was a selective meanie(can make you look very stupid with less than a word), annoyingly proud, amazingly good sweet talker or deceiver-on-purpose depending on your perspective(I mean, he can make a monkey believe that it’s not a monkey but a swan), he even snored(and goodness me, I can’t stand snoring)… I saw all of that, yet, it was nothing compared to his good parts. I accepted him, just as he accepted me and my quirky quirks. And even as we wanted so badly to be together – anguish for him(it seemed like it… heh heh heh), turmoil for me… the circumstances wouldn’t allow it. And so we gave in to it, to the circumstances I mean. And while I still have a chance at another and probably even better epic love story(Taylor Swift much?), I am among the lucky few, I am not sure that he does. Or maybe it’s working out for him, who knows, my not being sure is not proof enough that it isn’t. Still, I think(ok, I know) that whenever he is reminded of me, proper words and wisdom and humour and misplaced hurt aside, he aches kind of, and he misses me. That ache, even if it’s just for a second, because at the time of us, he truly loved me… and this I know. And me, just before I hurriedly dismiss him, even as love for him is terribly foreign at the moment(how things change), and because I truly loved him at the time of us, when I remember the beauty of us as it then was, there is a pause. A pause. Before the wind comes, and blows away the smoke from the pipe of nostalgia I had deigned to smoke.
Why do we always have to sacrifice our happiness on the altar of some circumstance? Can’t we just grab what happiness we can, while we can? Why do we just settle? Age(a thing of the mind and nothing but numbers), occupation, family… why the heck should they matter when it comes to our happiness, to love? At what point do we realize that life is actually for the living? And why can’t we just wait a little longer for the ones we love, or be fast and grab them before they are gone? Why do we always have to do random calculations at the wrong time… what are we measuring(kilowatts of happiness? Or is it megawatts of it?), really, can happiness be quantified? Why do we stay when we are unhappy? And why do we up and go even when we are happy? Why does simplicity elude us, and complications so easy to embrace? And so, what good is there in that? Stuck where we shouldn’t be, thinking we are happy, believing we are… when deep down, all we are doing is making do. What is the reward in that?
I will only say this…
We all deserve to be happy.
No excuses, no considerations for anyone, none. Secure your happiness, at whatever cost, lock it down. Selfish or no, YOU actually matter. As long as it’s good and reasonable, you deserve it. Please be happy… and please, for your peace of mind and for the propagation of longer lives and happier existences, leave all unnecessary logic alone. Leave it, I say.
All the best guys…
Is the Universe working against Wednesday Postings? I could not access WiFi yesterday. Alrightie then!
Till next week Wednesday!!!