DONT. TEST. ME

I’m writing this post, and yes, there is steam coming out of my ears. Ohhh man, I am so incensed. It is amazing, the fact that people will push a person to the wall, then expect the person not to react. Imagine that. Like eating your cake and expecting to still have it. Like dangling meat before a starved lion and expecting it not to lunge. Who does that? How can we push aside so conveniently the very real laws of cause and effect?

See…

In my part of the world, this happens a lot. But the part of it that I want to highlight in this post, is the one concerning men and women. Men get away with lots in my corner of planet earth. Lots. Yes.

A man fornicates at will and ohhh… he is so smart, sharp guy, its typical male behavior, it’s effing allowed. A woman does same and ohhh… slut, whore, non-marriage material. Personally, I can ignore this one. It doesn’t affect my life span after all.

A man gets angry and speaks out against wrongs done to him… and yes, wonderful, a round of applause for him. A woman gets angry and speaks out against wrongs done to her… and boom. She should have been more patient. This one, it baffles me and makes me laugh on occasion.

A man is caught stealing a cell phone from the market… “thief… thief… thief” they chant. They(men of course as no woman is going to start running after a fast thief in the scorching heat of the sun) catch him, knock him around a few or more times, lose interest maybe, and then let the police have him. A woman steals the same thing… a Blackberry phone to be exact… they knock her around, but no… they don’t lose interest and let the police have her. Guess what they do? They strip her naked. I mean, she is after all a w-o-m-a-n. Lets scope her body. Lets have a feel of her without being judged for it. They insert their grubby fingers randomly into her vagina. They insert a bottle too. She begs them to stop but they don’t. Why the heck didn’t they also insert a bottle and fingers into the anus of the male thief? Why didn’t they feel the need to strip him naked and play bubble shooter with his “goods”?
This is not a made up story. I watched a video of the whole spectacle on the internet. Yes. I saw it, heard her every scream, heard also the jeers of the men who were doing it. It brought tears to my eyes. The horny and demented brutes. There were so many of them, I couldn’t count, putting their hands on her naked flesh. Scum of the earth. I heard she killed herself later. This one, it downright makes me thirst for blood.

I don’t care what she stole(A phone? For the love of God!), that behavior was just wrong.

My second year in the university, I was to go someplace to get a document signed. I had to use a public bus. The smaller one, not the “magic school bus” sized types.

Because I’m tall and so long legs in tow, I don’t like sitting anywhere that is not the front seat in such buses because of the cramping involved. No space to stretch my legs and my having to bend them at odd angles hurts my knees. I saw this bus with the front seat empty. I ran for it and got settled in. Now, the front seat is a double seater. Meaning I would get a partner. Soon enough, this man lumbers over. “Please I want to sit” he said. I smiled politely at him, and got down for him to enter. Since I got there first, I chose the window seat. It was a hot day and dusty to boot. This man didn’t enter. He sneered at me and rudely told me to “common get into the bus. Don’t you know that I’m a man and should take the window seat?”

Heeeiiiiii!!!

Again, heeeiiii!!!

I calmly explained to him how sorry I was but also wanted to sit by the window and that by right anyways, I was allowed to do so because I got there before him. This man just laughed and kept announcing his man rights to the whole world.

I was so disgusted.

So because I was a woman, sitting where I wanted by right wasn’t also allowed? What is this, the apartheid?
The weird part is that some people actually supported him. Women included. The dolts. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Well, I ignored the ranting King Kong and calmly explained the facts to the driver and that how if I wasn’t going to seat where I wanted, I would go to the next bus and even though I would have to wait for it to get full, I wouldn’t mind because I was in no hurry. The driver was of course in a hurry. So he put his fellow-man in his proper place and I had my window seat. This one, it made me so sad. I had never before in my life been looked down upon or treated oddly because of my gender. The way Leonardo Dicaprio sank to his watery grave in The Titanic movie is exactly the way my heart sank that day. Slowly and with precision.

And so, the men in my part of the world test women a lot. They do things to make you angry on purpose. They rattle your cage just to see your reaction. They want to be sure of your patience and endurance levels. LOL. If you react? ahhh… bad wife she will make. If you don’t, ahhh… that is wifey there. LOL. I laugh in Swahili. Don’t they know how predictable they already are? For some of us(women) that have our designs on them, we just pretend and play along. I could be a volcano but I will be saving my eruption for a later date. Just marry me first. And see what will happen should you try that rubbish later. Yet, the men keep at it. And the vicious cycle continues.

Still…

Does the fact that I am a woman qualify me to be treated as though I were nothing more than a speck of dust? Don’t I have feelings too? Aren’t I entitled to the basic things that a normal human is entitled to… things like respect, admiration, love? Was I created to be sport for the men? This is not about equality of rights and all that cliché stuff… I don’t have the time for all that. This is about women as people with a heart and not women as animals and things.

*sigh*

But lemme warn…
On this matter of testing…
Put a sock in it, you hear?

It’s different if I were already married to the man who chooses to misbehave on purpose. I will tag it “challenges in marriage” and suck it up. I don’t believe in divorce so as long as my life is not at risk, it’s for better or worse. But for a person who I am not married to, dating seriously(because some concessions can be made for the one you are seriously committed to), or for a random man who is “chasing” me, I will not keep calm and shove it. If you disrespect me as woman, I’m bringing it to your attention sharply and we are settling it. If you play any juvenile games of trying to test me by pushing me against some imaginary wall, I will bite your fingers and tell you thank you. I will be submissive in the way that it is proper only to my husband and no random male other. I owe you no courtesies and I’m afraid of no one. You can get away with all the other stuff like bottle inserting and window seat rights and tag it “male behavioral patterns”… but if you come barking up my alley and expect that maybe because I like you a bit, or that maybe I’m looking to be some fake societal type of marriage material-ish, that I will smile and inhale the stench of the unique shit you are producing, you have another thing coming. In those initial times, you are either on point around me or you are not. I’m not into all that weird pretend stuff that men and women do to and with each other in order to establish something. If you cannot handle my level of sincerity and plainness, move please. I am sickened at how a man would think that I’m supposed to allow myself be “tested” by him to ascertain whether I’m good or not. I keep hammering on the relativity of good and bad but it falls on deaf ears. So only the woman should be tested eh? What about him? How do I get to “test” if he’s “good” or “bad”? When did all this caveman behavior become the norm? All of this makes me want to throw up my Christmas dinner. Even peacocks are not that blind in their arrogance.

To all the getter aways and women testers…

To have to demean and “test” another human being means you are insecure about something. It is understandable, and it may not be your fault, so hey, you are forgiven.

But to my type of human being…
Ha ha!
Because what you may be expecting will not be what you will get… Because I may shock you and ruin your memories of an amazing me…

Serve up the real ish, and please, please, and please…

DONT TEST ME.

Thanks for reading guys…
Bless you…
XOXO