I’m writing this post, and yes, there is steam coming out of my ears. Ohhh man, I am so incensed. It is amazing, the fact that people will push a person to the wall, then expect the person not to react. Imagine that. Like eating your cake and expecting to still have it. Like dangling meat before a starved lion and expecting it not to lunge. Who does that? How can we push aside so conveniently the very real laws of cause and effect?


In my part of the world, this happens a lot. But the part of it that I want to highlight in this post, is the one concerning men and women. Men get away with lots in my corner of planet earth. Lots. Yes.

A man fornicates at will and ohhh… he is so smart, sharp guy, its typical male behavior, it’s effing allowed. A woman does same and ohhh… slut, whore, non-marriage material. Personally, I can ignore this one. It doesn’t affect my life span after all.

A man gets angry and speaks out against wrongs done to him… and yes, wonderful, a round of applause for him. A woman gets angry and speaks out against wrongs done to her… and boom. She should have been more patient. This one, it baffles me and makes me laugh on occasion.

A man is caught stealing a cell phone from the market… “thief… thief… thief” they chant. They(men of course as no woman is going to start running after a fast thief in the scorching heat of the sun) catch him, knock him around a few or more times, lose interest maybe, and then let the police have him. A woman steals the same thing… a Blackberry phone to be exact… they knock her around, but no… they don’t lose interest and let the police have her. Guess what they do? They strip her naked. I mean, she is after all a w-o-m-a-n. Lets scope her body. Lets have a feel of her without being judged for it. They insert their grubby fingers randomly into her vagina. They insert a bottle too. She begs them to stop but they don’t. Why the heck didn’t they also insert a bottle and fingers into the anus of the male thief? Why didn’t they feel the need to strip him naked and play bubble shooter with his “goods”?
This is not a made up story. I watched a video of the whole spectacle on the internet. Yes. I saw it, heard her every scream, heard also the jeers of the men who were doing it. It brought tears to my eyes. The horny and demented brutes. There were so many of them, I couldn’t count, putting their hands on her naked flesh. Scum of the earth. I heard she killed herself later. This one, it downright makes me thirst for blood.
I don’t care what she stole(A phone? For the love of God!), that behavior was just wrong.

My second year in the university, I was to go someplace to get a document signed. I had to use a public bus. The smaller one, not the “magic school bus” sized types.

Because I’m tall and so long legs in tow, I don’t like sitting anywhere that is not the front seat in such buses because of the cramping involved. No space to stretch my legs and my having to bend them at odd angles hurts my knees. I saw this bus with the front seat empty. I ran for it and got settled in. Now, the front seat is a double seater. Meaning I would get a partner. Soon enough, this man lumbers over. “Please I want to sit” he said. I smiled politely at him, and got down for him to enter. Since I got there first, I chose the window seat. It was a hot day and dusty to boot. This man didn’t enter. He sneered at me and rudely told me to “common get into the bus. Don’t you know that I’m a man and should take the window seat?”



Again, heeeiiii!!!

I calmly explained to him how sorry I was but also wanted to sit by the window and that by right anyways, I was allowed to do so because I got there before him. This man just laughed and kept announcing his man rights to the whole world.

I was so disgusted.

So because I was a woman, sitting where I wanted by right wasn’t also allowed? What is this, the apartheid?
The weird part is that some people actually supported him. Women included. The dolts. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Well, I ignored the ranting King Kong and calmly explained the facts to the driver and that how if I wasn’t going to seat where I wanted, I would go to the next bus and even though I would have to wait for it to get full, I wouldn’t mind because I was in no hurry. The driver was of course in a hurry. So he put his fellow-man in his proper place and I had my window seat. This one, it made me so sad. I had never before in my life been looked down upon or treated oddly because of my gender. The way Leonardo Dicaprio sank to his watery grave in The Titanic movie is exactly the way my heart sank that day. Slowly and with precision.

And so, the men in my part of the world test women a lot. They do things to make you angry on purpose. They rattle your cage just to see your reaction. They want to be sure of your patience and endurance levels. LOL. If you react? ahhh… bad wife she will make. If you don’t, ahhh… that is wifey there. LOL. I laugh in Swahili. Don’t they know how predictable they already are? For some of us(women) that have our designs on them, we just pretend and play along. I could be a volcano but I will be saving my eruption for a later date. Just marry me first. And see what will happen should you try that rubbish later. Yet, the men keep at it. And the vicious cycle continues.


Does the fact that I am a woman qualify me to be treated as though I were nothing more than a speck of dust? Don’t I have feelings too? Aren’t I entitled to the basic things that a normal human is entitled to… things like respect, admiration, love? Was I created to be sport for the men? This is not about equality of rights and all that cliché stuff… I don’t have the time for all that. This is about women as people with a heart and not women as animals and things.


But lemme warn…
On this matter of testing…
Put a sock in it, you hear?

It’s different if I were already married to the man who chooses to misbehave on purpose. I will tag it “challenges in marriage” and suck it up. I don’t believe in divorce so as long as my life is not at risk, it’s for better or worse. But for a person who I am not married to, dating seriously(because some concessions can be made for the one you are seriously committed to), or for a random man who is “chasing” me, I will not keep calm and shove it. If you disrespect me as woman, I’m bringing it to your attention sharply and we are settling it. If you play any juvenile games of trying to test me by pushing me against some imaginary wall, I will bite your fingers and tell you thank you. I will be submissive in the way that it is proper only to my husband and no random male other. I owe you no courtesies and I’m afraid of no one. You can get away with all the other stuff like bottle inserting and window seat rights and tag it “male behavioral patterns”… but if you come barking up my alley and expect that maybe because I like you a bit, or that maybe I’m looking to be some fake societal type of marriage material-ish, that I will smile and inhale the stench of the unique shit you are producing, you have another thing coming. In those initial times, you are either on point around me or you are not. I’m not into all that weird pretend stuff that men and women do to and with each other in order to establish something. If you cannot handle my level of sincerity and plainness, move please. I am sickened at how a man would think that I’m supposed to allow myself be “tested” by him to ascertain whether I’m good or not. I keep hammering on the relativity of good and bad but it falls on deaf ears. So only the woman should be tested eh? What about him? How do I get to “test” if he’s “good” or “bad”? When did all this caveman behavior become the norm? All of this makes me want to throw up my Christmas dinner. Even peacocks are not that blind in their arrogance.

To all the getter aways and women testers…

To have to demean and “test” another human being means you are insecure about something. It is understandable, and it may not be your fault, so hey, you are forgiven.

But to my type of human being…
Ha ha!
Because what you may be expecting will not be what you will get… Because I may shock you and ruin your memories of an amazing me…

Serve up the real ish, and please, please, and please…


Thanks for reading guys…
Bless you…


40 thoughts on “DONT. TEST. ME

  1. ” I could be a volcano but I will be saving my eruption for a later date. Just marry me first. And see what will happen should you try that rubbish later”

    Exactly. Vicious circle.
    I’d disagree and say men get tested and prodded by society/family just as much, the only difference is (for some unknown reason) we tend to react, women, not as much.
    But this post is about the testing, right?
    Good read. No human, should allow themselves be a floor mat (that goes for all you wanting to vote-in the current administration).

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ahh yes… it is about the testing.
      I think the reason the women do not react is because they are under some kinda invincible pressure to “behave” and be seen, not heard because men don’t like outspoken women and so if you want a man to marry you, you gats get with the program. Only in our part of the world of course! I wonder if they realize that marriage is only the beginning of a chapter and not the total fulfillment or the end of a life.
      Oh well.
      As for the election thing… ha ha! I’ll drink to that.
      Glad you enjoyed the read darling…
      You rock.


  2. Hahahahahaha!!! I laughed so hard standing at the bus stop in this weather and my fellow bus stop people looked at me like I was crazy.

    I take your point and its a shame we have to deal with this in this day and age but I like to think that if we took some responsibility as women and set our boundaries, then we won’t have to get into that pattern of arguments or “violence” so often. As much as we hate to admit it, the game is begins when we decide to play.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear you babes. Point made like bread and butter.
      I hope some women will learn. And stop making the rest of us who try to make a difference look like we are a bunch of rabbits gone rogue or something.
      I’m glad this made you laugh… I am laughing now too… heh heh.
      Thanks for reading…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It irks me so much when I see people -men and women alike – shrug off issues like this cuz they think it’s the norm and part of life as a black man/ African/ Nigerian. So for you to vent your steam here is sooo on-point. It’s not easy righting a wrong when you belong to the minority but we few ladies who are clear about our worth will continue to educate others……….till death.
    Still trying to understand the barbaric act of stripping a woman naked NO MATTER WHAT ON EARTH SHE DID and dehumanising her like that. Worse is I won’t be surprised if those male perps went off scot-free to probably go bragging about it.
    Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sista! They went free o! She was after all a thief, so there! Please just type it up on google and watch. You will cry a river.
      On the other matters, they’ve been meeting the wrong type of women is all I can say. There is nothing normal about a superiority complex. No-thing. It is not a power tussle and the sooner this fact is realized the better for all. Power tussle? What for? It’s just about the basic respect that a human being deserves. Recognize the fact that my brain is not for decoration, treat me like a person, quit all the testing and cage rattling, and boom. All will be well. Do whatever you like really, just don’t tamper with my self respect, the one that is due me as a person. How hard can that be?
      Thanks for reading sissy… you make me glad…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, that post evoked a lot of rage in me and post traumatic anger and all that crap. I did not see the video you mentioned but I will look for it later. Do you have a link or key words to search?
    I feel very bad for you that the stupid arrogant prick acted like that on the bus to you.

    Maybe if you explained to him with crazy eyes that the fat lady sitting next to you would not appreciate him sitting on her and she just might have to set him straight. Can’t he see that the seats are taken….Then we could start yelling that he was trying to sit on her and tell everyone on the bus.

    Maybe he would back away.. It would be funny.

    The two of you were not interested in marrying him or being his friggin ideal of marriage material. He just better sit somewhere else.

    Uhhg! There are a few doctors that come into my work place and act all like that. They are the man and the friggin doctor.

    One dr came in and told the nurse to tell me to get a certain patient and bring her to him. I was standing right there but he was too good to stoop so low as to talk directly to a nursing assistant.

    I told the doctor that the patient he wanted to see was in the shower and would be out in 5 minutes or so.

    Nooooo! He would not wait 5 minutes. His time is so very precious!

    He told the nurse to tell me to get her out of the shower!

    I went to the shower room and told Amy, the nursing assistant helping with the shower, that the dr wanted her out of there right now!

    Oh really? Amy said “well I was just thinking that she needs her hair dried and maybe even curled with the curling iron today. So she got her out of the shower like we were told. Then she starts to very slowly blow dry her hair and then plug in the curling iron.

    Amy was not much for taking stupid orders from arrogant doctors, who do not stoop so low to speak to nurses aides. And demand patients to run out of the shower , with soapy hair, so they can check their blood pressure .

    The nurse was furious and demanded I bring the lady out of the shower room. I just told her that she would have to speak to Amy because I had already delivered the message.

    I did not laugh …. out loud

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow Annie! That fat lady seating thing would’ve been sooo fun. Crazy eyes, yelling man, and all. Ha ha! I can just imagine the outcome.

      You mean the man and friggin doctor wouldn’t even speak directly to you?

      Oh my. Oh but you and Amy handled the matter perfectly… lol… the miracle of curling irons and blow driers! Hahaaaaaa!!! Maybe it was something he ate? I mean, I can’t understand the level of arrogance he displayed.
      Bet you had a good day at work that day Annie… good laughs and all.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That doctor never would speak to nursing assistants. He would barely speak to the nurse and only when he had to. He was very condescending. In some cultures , women are not respected in business positions.
        When I worked in sales, I had a call from a customer from the middle east. He heard my voice and asked for a man. I told him that I was the salesperson for his project and he was shocked. He said he did not do business with women and insisted I put a male salesperson on the phone.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Stories like this make me embarrassed for my gender, Sonia. I’ve seen those videos where women are stripped and shamed (sometimes more) and it’s disgusting. Those men should be held accountable for her murder, as she killed herself because of the disgusting criminal behavior of those men. I wonder if any of them have daughters….

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Wow Sonia!! I can’t watch those videos because they hurt me terribly. The lack of respect for women is a sensitive subject for me. In my country there is a total lack of respect but so far, nothing like what you told happens. The thing is, for how long?
    What really kills me is the people around… Because there is always someone who’s not nice, but all those people around joining the terrible acts?!? I really can’t believe it.


    1. Hey Paola… oh I’m very glad it’s not so bad in your country.
      I think the lack of respect for women issue is everywhere really… and I think the problem is that we speak up when it is too late so that by then it looks like we are a bunch of jobless trouble makers… or that we enjoy being treated so.
      I hope for the best really…

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I personally hate and wholly condemn any kind of mob treatment been brought down on criminals or thieves, worse still if they are women and are stripped. It is inhumane and cruel and guys that do that should be tied to a stake and shot, pure and simple. That been said, i am not against reaction but i don’t think there is any reason to be unkind in your reaction. if a person has hurt you it is possible that the person doesn’t know his/her actions have caused you pain. It is better that you call the person to order with love not to explode and expect him/her to understand. if he/she is a repeat offender then you are free to take your leave quietly if you feel you can’t endure it anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww thanks Grex… very thoughtful of you.
      I’m okay. They don’t happen in the state I live in. I live in the West, and they are happening in the North. I must admit that after a while the effects wear off and you kinda relax. But I do not think I would feel relaxed in any way if I had family living up there. I would be shaken up all the time. Tricky times these are… praying and hoping for the best.
      Thanks a lot for caring…


  8. Hell yes!!!!!!!! Tell them Cuz…… So so so freaking true….. On point…… My phrase for 2015″if U think ill smile and inhale the stench of unique shit u are producing, uve got another thing coming”…….. Lol Nekaar. Thank u

    Liked by 1 person

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