Pre-post day musings… and they won’t let ME…

It isn’t my post day yet…(I am still maintaining my uber smooVe Wednesday blogging status quo), yet, I cannot stop myself from spilling over.

I am thinking about me… my life… the people around me and how they struggle to get me to just be “normal”. When I balk at their attempts and cut off from them abruptly, they are hurt.

They don’t get that my identity, the essence of me, is something that I fight to protect. I do not want that inner part of me to be corrupted by the ways of others… I want it to be pure undiluted me. 100 percent juice of me.

I am not looking to be understood.
Being understood means my actions can maybe be predicted. Predictability is boring.

I am not looking for acceptance either. I shan’t let my actions be validated by the yay or nay of others.

I just want to be left alone. I want to curl into a warm hole, read books till my eyes cringe, suck on cranberry juice, sip daintily on Vodka, and listen to “Nothing in my way” by Keane till the apocalypse.


See me right now, that smile I am smiling in that picture, that is me… the way I am.

But they won’t let me…

The pseudo end…(only because in the real end, I win).


16 thoughts on “Pre-post day musings… and they won’t let ME…

  1. ‘WORD’……….like seriously, I too don’t wanna be understood WTH cos pple can use dat as an advantage…..mehnnnn if dey can’t accept what/who I am they shud plsssss kiss d nearest transformer

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Rob… I’m flattered that you like my photo…(actually I’m quite swollen headed right now).
      And as usual, you’re spot on… people jumping on and off and all. “So be it” is just apt.
      I plan to stay me for a very long time. Look what staying me got me… I got to meet you! he he he. How’s that for incentive…

      Liked by 1 person

  2. At one point i lost so many friends. People were terrified of how vibrant i was in the face of pain. The things iv been thru in the past 5years even my mother doesn’t understand how i still maintain a smile on my face. At the end of the day there are particular people who will get you. Some people aren’t just strong enough emotionally to gey you. I have learnt to just cut them off and keep it moving. I find myself being extremely impatient with people who wakeup everyday just to doubt themselves I HATE IT! But again only a few will get you. Stick to those few and live the best life you can 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Truest words Ann. Especially the part about people not being strong enough emotionally to get you and the part of waking up everyday to just sit and be re-living the doubts of days past over and over again. I hate that too. I know a couple of people who do that. You would think they are the only ones with problems. All in all, I agree with you, best to cut off the ones who don’t fit and keep it moving. Thanks for this Ann… cannot wait for when you will come home and really tell me how it has all been… much love…


  3. I love you even more now. You look beautiful, stay true to yourself and when you feel overwhelmed by the dimness that tries to blot on your light, just continue to take steps back to make time for you. When you re-emerge you will feel refreshed and ready to do it all over again…lol. This post is so engaging, reading it makes me feel like I’m actually sitting in a room with you, having a deep convo about loving who we are and authenticity. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh thank you Alicia… I definitely will be taking your “and do it all over again advice”…lol. It’s actually the logical way forward.
    Same way I feel really deep and touched by raw reality whenever I read your posts… so glad we met on here!
    Love you girl!!!


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