Touchy feely creature that I am, I almost always never go by the dictionary definition of things. I define a thing by how I feel about it. I unfurl my mental feelers, wrap them around the phenomena in question, close my eyes, and let the real meaning wash over me. It has not failed me yet.
Talking about memory, the “proper” definition doesn’t capture the essence of the word for me. Memory to me is not about what I CAN remember, it is instead, about the things that I CAN’T forget. The scent, the feel… That is the way my soul defines memory… And thus, this post is born. Listed below are the things that I haven’t been able to forget. Bits of them, bits of me, a scent here, a flavour there… The things that I CAN’T forget. I hope they bring as much awareness to you as they have to me. Here we go…
1)The soprano of my mother’s voice as she bathed me in the mornings… She sang the sunflower song repeatedly to me. The silky smoothness of her legs as I rubbed them while trying to fall asleep… The smell of her as she hugged me to her everyday after returning from work…
2)My best friend in nursery school… Oge… The whiteness of his smile… His skinny boy body… The soft hair on his arms. The way my heart thumped when I saw him years later in high school… The way he towered over me… How unbelievably good it made me feel. LOL.
3)My father… The first time I met him… The smell of the air freshener in his car as he took me out. The way that I looked hard at him to try and see what part of me I would find in his features.
4)My maternal grandmother… The shape of her lips. Her stern disposition. Her ferocious dog… The scratch he gave me. Damned canine!
5)My first crush… His adoration of me… The gifts he bought me. The letters he wrote… That day on the beach with our friends… How he loved me for years after and I didn’t know… Callous me.
6)Saturdays in high school spent with Tumi Lawal listening to rock music on the radio… Sanmi Oduwale would join in sometimes… Hours spent slaking our thirst for music with bass guitars and drums in it… Hours! Stacey Oricco, Pink, The Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Linkin Park, Three Doors Down, Hoobastank, Bon Jovi… To mention but a few. Goose pimples all over me as the music sank in… The glorying in my gothic self. The singing out loud. Sold out. Rock music is surely forever… Not diamonds. Not for me.
7)Obum… The way he looked at me whenever we passed eachother on the street. His handsome face… When we ate grilled fish together… Our intellectual arguements… The way he always ran his fingers through my long natural hair… How he loved it! The way we hugged… The feel of his tall hard frame. The way his girlfriend always looked at me… She never understood. The day he held my hands and told me he was leaving the country for good… My first real friend… Small heartbreak.
8)Mayowa… DVD shopping at the mall… He told them to play James Blunt’s “You are beautiful” on the overhead speakers for me… How we danced to it there and then… The other shoppers stopping to watch us… Beautiful moment.
9)First year in college… Walking on clouds… Great room mates… the weird food… Chilly weather… The wonderful scenery… The partying… So much fun.
10)My anatomy dissection sessions… The male cadaver… How it felt to slice into him… All the fatty tissue I had to cut through. His huge frame…The worm we found in his axilla. Urrgh!
11)The journey I began with God… The twists… The turns… The highs… The lows… The peace most of all… Ahhhh… The peace… Till date.
12)The day I met him… The zing in my soul… And even though I want to disregard this, how can I do a write up on memory and not include him? Rock music… Bants… Soul feeling… The good reads… The word play… The hours I spent listening to Howie Day, Low shoulder, Five for fighting… The inspiration of some profound write ups… The first kiss… Epic! It was real… And then it wasn’t. And then it was. Depends on the mood. We pretend… But we know it was. We deny it to make ourselves feel better. Fast on the outside, agonizingly slow on the inside. I am sure we will be siblings in another life. That is all we were meant to be really. The comfort in that… Thankeee God!!!
And back to present day.
Like I mentioned earlier, bits of me… Bits of them… Scents… flavours… All combining to make for profound reminiscing. My pot pourri of memories, a small part of it anyways. The things that I CAN’T forget…
Till next Wednesday… For the next read.