The. Demon. Called. Title.

titleI don’t know about you guys, but every time I hear a person put a title before their name, I sigh mentally and roll my eyes.
What a society we have become…
A society where virtual is appreciated and real is boring…
Where titles fill the air like smoke from the exhaust pipe of an old car…
choking the enlightened few…  threatening to end us.
Where inferiority and superiority complexes fight to suppress who we really are on the inside.
A society where complicated bullshit is the order of the day and simplicity is frowned upon as stupidity.
It is as though we think somehow that prefixes before our names makes us better people. Makes us super deluxe human beings. As though if you put a Coca Cola sticker on a bottle containing bleach, the bleach would automatically become Coca Cola and not burn your throat as you drink it. When did all this become part and parcel of us?

Oh well.

I was “jejely” on my own when this man walks up behind my friend and I at the mall and interrupts our intense talk like boom!
The ensuing convo..
Man: Chic… You are blazing weird… Your hair style… The bit of conversation I just overheard… I’m sorry for eavesdropping but Kai, what’s your name? I like you. I really do.

Me: *toothy grin* It depends, are you ethnic or “tush”?

Man: Err.. *nervous laugh* More tush than ethnic I suppose. Lived abroad more than half my life(All spoken with a proper British accent).

Me: Ahh… Well… For the tush half, I’m Sonia. But for the ethnic you, aham bu Nneka. You, what’s your name Mr tush?

Man: *smiles* Ahh… wonderful. You’re Igbo, I’m Igbo. The stars align. I’m Engineer Salt Pepper(I’m not about to put up his real name).

Me: Engineer? Wow. Your parents must be blazing weird too. Of all the first names, they chose to call you Engineer.

Man: oh! No no no… you’ve got it twisted darling. My first name is Salt, Surname is Pepper. I am an Engineer by profession *huge self satisfied grin*

Me: *Smiling and patting his arm* You hombre, are the one who has got it twisted. All I asked was your name. I didn’t ask your occupation. You could’ve waited till we got to that part, no? The one is different from the other…

Man: *Straight faced*.. Odika I bu onye Nnewi?(All traces of his “abroad” accent gone).

Me: *Picking up the accent he dropped and speaking boldly with it*  What did you just say, Lad?

The end.

All I am I saying…
The English language is simple enough. When asked for your name, say your name only. Unless your parents named you Engineer, Architect, Doctor, Robber, Marine biologist, Chief, Barrister… Shove it till you are asked your profession. Simple. Why do we feel the need to always hype ourselves unnecessarily? Who are we competing with? Nigerians and titles…
Can’t you see? The joke is on us.
The weird part? We are the ones laughing the loudest!!! At ourselves!!! We don’t even realize it!!! What a horror show.
I’m officially binding every demon of title in the atmosphere…
In the name of The Most High God…
Hear me…
Get thee behind us I say…
That was not a joke.

That’s all folks!


14 thoughts on “The. Demon. Called. Title.

  1. Hahaha, am really hooked now. Let me introduce myself; I am high chief, Dr. Engr. Salt Pepper, the Otinkpu 1 of Africa; FSB, CIA,Mossad, etc..hehehe


  2. For some.
    Myself included sometimes, profession isn’t just a job, or what I learnt In school.
    It is my life. I am defined by it. I define myself by it.
    Yes, Nigerians take everything too far, with the useless initials after too, but if I’m referred to as just my title, I usually don’t mind.
    But that’s just me.
    And no, introducing self with title is wrong. That just poor etiquette.


    1. Well I can relate to the part of your profession essentially being about who you are. I think it’s also the same with most people who love what they do.. Still, your profession cannot replace your name. The bitter taste in my mouth is caused by those who have to absolutely start an intro with the title thing.. As though, it is all they are and all they will ever achieve. More like to feel like gees sef not even because they love what they do.


  3. Hahaha!,I can imagine the horror on d young man’s face, when u spoke wit dat ur brit accent ….,,but nekky depending on the occasion, one may actually need to hype and sell himself high


    1. LOL. The look on his face was priceless. Like “this geh is so not well at all”.
      Well it’s that “need” that I find questionable. To impress? To feel accepted? Why should anyone care if other people find them worthy or not? Do they care if you find them worthy? Like, dem dey supply you the air that you breathe or what? What are we, in high school? Sigh..


  4. My first article and I’m hooked. Super refreshing honesty and down-to -earth. I actually feel pity for those who feel the ridiculous need to impress.


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